A Soulmate

I know many of you out there has millions of friends. There are some good friends whom you share everything with, including sorrows. You cry after hearing your frend's sad story, cos you are emotionally attached to your friend. However, is it possible to find a friend, that is close to being a soul mate? Someone who understands you without you spelling everything out?

Sometimes, you need someone to talk to badly. The person lends you a listening ear.

Sometimes, you just need a company who does not need to talk. The person stays by your side, quietly.

Sometimes, you need some advice. The person analyse with you but not forcing you.

A soulmate who knows you well, will know what you need at that time. Most of the times, we do not need the best lawyer as a friend to speak up for you when you are bullied. Most of the times, we do not need councellor as a friend who consoles you when you are down. Most of the times, we do not need an entertainer as a friend who distracts you away from problems ... blar blar blar blar blar

We do not need a professional at all !

Most of the times, all we need, is simply

...
an ordinary friend who can click with us.




Personally, i think its difficult to find one.

It came.

On Friday before i left office, i saw a letter at my pigeon hole. Yes, it came. It can be pure coincidence, but there was also this possibility that I've gotten my answer from Him.

The night before, a Thursday, i remembered before i sleep, i asked Him for an answer. I'm a bit swayed recently due to the events/projs that have been going on, more of it, it has got to do with my frustrations. Thus, i am not very 'determined' or 'confirm-chop-guarantee' of my direction. I was, at that time, hoping for an alternative. Perhaps, all i needed was, a breather.

Every morning i will flip thru the Straits Times, leaving out the 'classified' and 'life!' sections. That particular Friday morning, i glanced thru 'classified' to see if there were any possible alternatives. There wasnt. Without really having a strong pushing factor, i just leave it as it is and left for work.

That very evening, i had an answer. I received a letter frm MOE. A letter which i've been waiting for q. some time. Yet, i wasnt that happy. I think i am really exhausted to feel for any emotions.

After thinking for 2 days ...

I'll accept the gift, nonetheless. I do enjoy what i am doing. Its inevitable that sometimes there tend to be some darker moments in life. This term happens to be my hectic term. Take it, get thru with it... i'll be a better person.

Thank God for everything.
Thank you for giving me an answer when i needed it most.
Most importantly, Thank you for listening to me and guiding me thru.

Praise the Lord.

==========
Shepherd of my Soul

Shepherd of my soul I give you full control,
Wherever You may lead I will foll-ow.
I have made the choice to listen for Your vo-vo-ice,
Wherever You may lead I will go.

Be it in a quiet pasture or by a gentle stream,
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side.
Should I face a mighty mountain or a valley dark and deep,
The Shepherd of my soul will be my guide.

Shepherd of my soul Oh You have made me whole,
Where’er I hear You call how my tea-ars flow.
How I feel your love how I want to se-rve
I gladly give my heart to You O – Lord.

Be it in the flowing river or in the quiet night,
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side.
Should I face the stormy weather or the dangers of this world.
The Shepherd of my soul will be my guide

Exhausted

I'm am having a terrible week that everything seems to come at one go. The amount of admin work just add on to the frustation that sometimes i feel like shouting out rudely :"Can you just SHUT IT?!" when some one is chasing for this and another one chasing for that.(Its really to that extent! just that it is still within my control.) On top of all those i already had tonnes of projs at hand, do u think i care and give a damn about those minute little small puny things that perhaps doesnt concern me?! Period.

Deadlines, deadlines deadlines. Yes, meeting multiple deadlines is equal to courting death. DEADBEAT, mentally,physically and emotionally.

Of all things, my body chooses to fall sick with that darn pressing headache that doesnt seem to go off at all... Come on, at this moment?! Doc says its sinus headache and my mother says its migraine. SO see ?! U shld know wad i mean by HEADACHE, seriously.

I'm not angry over anything tho i sounded fierce and rude and crude. I JUST NEED TO VENT those stupid and irritating frustrations .(It has nothing got to do with stress btw. I'm just, frustrated.)

SO...
I gonna do it here, since i cant do it at work. Everything's a taboo in that kinda environment and i must and shld respect that professionalism. I AM GOING TO DO IT HERE.




S-H-U-T U-P !



U know how wonderful it is , to shout that word out ? I am not a vulgar person so i dont shout obscenities. I am satisfied just by shouting Shut Up.So, if i happen to ask u to shut up and its not in a funny/playing attitude, u will know how bad u have already irritated me. So.... beware of my 'shut ups'. LOL

Lamers, shut up. Empty vessels, shut up. Slackers, shut up. Act-optimistic pple, shut up. Boastful pple, shut up.Noisy pple, shut up. Stupid pple, shut up. Say say only-no action pple, sbut up. Liars, shut up.Good-for-nothing, shut up. Rich pple, shut up. Too-effective and efficient pple, also shut up. Just shut it and go away ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``

Roars.

Defeated.

I'm on MC, afterall.
Kiss goodbye to zero MC. Boohoo.

Shall take my rest and sleep my way.
Ugh.

Coping With Exhaustion

I am still on the road of recovery. My way to recuperate is to sleep,sleep and sleep.

T2W1 is sure a hectic one. A week whereby its short yet tiring. I slept the moment i reached home, on the sofa. Dinner time i woke up and hit back to my nap soon after till i wake up at 9pm. Sounds familiar? Thats how i cope when i was in JC. Nap and wake up to do more. So after waking up at 9, i need my leisure, which is 45mins of tv time before i head back to my room to slog.

For the past 2 days, i did nothing but sleep. I needed the sleep, even till now i feel that i am still suffering from headache.

I was down with flu last week and now my ears are blocked but i'm not on any medication except that i pop-ed 2 panadols yesterday due to cramps =P
Immune system q. strong. Thanks to Yakult and Nutrisoy. LOL

I was at my busiest on the 18th so i did not really read those sms that swamp in that day, not to say replying. Thanks to those who remembered and bothered to sms. Xie la~ I hate 18th March afterall. (Shadows of wad has happened in the past during this day still lies somewhere deep within me.) Thanks but no thanks.

I'm still alive and kicking.

Precious Archives.

I was looking at the statistics of the amount of entries i had since 2002. I realised the most number of entries i had was in 2004, with 333 entries. There are 365 days in a year, so .... 333 means i had blog in every 1.5 days? Unbelievable that i had so much to share then.

Archives really revealed alot to me. It is really kinda interesting to read old archives. 2004, that makes me 20. I am truly impressed, by myself. At the age of 20, my command of the chinese language is really strong. Reading my old archives, its so hard to believe that i am the person blogging behind those 'chim-a-logy' chinese entries. All my Jin's theories. I dont think i can type chinese that well. I'll only type in chinese for the fishdream event reports. Other than that, its still easier to type in English. LOL ever since i've stopped writing sketchbooks, i lost the feel to blog in chinese. (I'll soon pick up that good habit of doodling on my sketchbook....once i've gotten a white coloured pen... LOL cos i realised the sketchbook that i've bought is black in colour.)

Anyway, so besides being impressed by my good command of the chinese language, i also realised that 2004 was one of my HAPPIEST years. I really think most of the credit goes to JingRu,Fishdream and the 933 days.

Because 2004 was one of my happiest moments, thats is y as i read, i felt sourish inside me. I realised those names who appeared very often then, is no longer appearing in my blog now. 为什么我们人还在，感觉却早已停留在从前。


Come to think about it, TLT de bond is the strongest actually. Although we are not close to every single one in the clique, but at least the clique still hold on as 1. AND, news surely spread fast within the clique, which shows that there are active participation between all of us. I used to say that relationships within TLT is fluctuating, and i even used to think that we can only share happiness but not sorrows. To take a step back and look carefully, I'm wrong. Ultimately, i guess, these are the people whom i can talk, freely to. Its okay not to feel as close as soulmates as long as we feel comfy to talk about the most 'hideous'(lol) secrets in our life.

There are more and more people who are really parking on my MSN, which is sad. Only people who are emotionally attached to you, will feel at ease with you, no matter where you are and waht u are doing.

*Digress from the topic... 3 cheers for Jin as she managed to clear up another unit of her course-packaging.

The Feel for It.

Humans are pretty much dependent on their feelings. How they feel for something reflect how they make judgements. It doesnt mean that something that has past or something that has been mentioned umpteen times , will not create a stir in the minds and hearts anymore. It does.

I am very detailed when it comes to hearing chinese songs. The background music, the harmonising, the breathing , the lyrics and as well as the feel when listening to the songs. I believe that not everyone can relate every single song in their life. You can only feel for it, when u have encountered, either personally, thru the singer or thru other pple. No matter how old a song, whenever u hear it, its like fwahhhhhhhh ...... memories flow back.

-----------
生命中不能承受的轻

我决定不再等你决定
我决定不再当局者迷
我决定属于我自己的黎明
距离你一世纪下一个世纪

------------
给未来的自己

我不放弃爱的勇气
我不怀疑会有真心
我要握住一个最美的梦给未来的自己

-------------

A song that never fails to make me feel like crying. This song acts as a reminder, to everyone. Dont take things for granted and dont wait till you lose it. Really.


在东京铁塔第一次眺望
看灯火模仿坠落的星光
我终於到达但却更悲伤
一个人完成我们的梦想

你总说时间还很多
你可以等我
以前我不懂得
未必明天就有以后

想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛


没看你脸上张扬过哀伤
那是种多么寂寞的倔强
你拆了城墙让我去流浪
在原地等我把自己捆绑

你没说你也会软弱
需要依赖我
我就装不晓得
自由移动自我地过

想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

我发誓不再说谎了
多爱你就会抱你多紧的
我的微笑都假了
灵魂像飘浮着你在就好了

我发誓不让你等候
陪你做想做的无论什么
我越来越像贝壳
怕心被人触碰你回来那就好了

能重来那就好了

Simple Affair

Had a small gathering with some long-time-no-see friends. It was a rather simple affair which starts with a KTV session, which i think i no longer enjoy ktv-ing as before. Maybe cos i seldom get connected with pop nowadays. Or maybe all of us have grown up and it will never be as crazy as before. I still miss those days where we get so high used the wet tissues as lightsticks and stand on the sofa...

Photos taken during KTV. . . Lol i'm full of expressions...

The KTV ended rather early, so we went round to search for dining place. So, we took another 2 more photos outside heeren.

Finally we had dinner at Spageddis. Aud, Ivan and Ms Wu joined us for dinner.

We stayed there till rather late before moving out butts to Harry's @ boat quay. Aud and Ling went home earlier while the rest of us catch a drink. Took same night owl as Ivan, ride was rather fast and i reached home at 3.10am. Now i'm still feeling tired.

Its nice to see old friends, really.

Next Best Alternative

Life is about learning to accept the next best alternative. Sometimes there might be surprising discovery. And, this is called blessing in disguise. Of course we do know what works best for us but the best might not be what we perceive.

I was online, talking abt how irritated i was for always not being to watch a movie that i wanted to.

I was online, grumbling abt how irritated i was that i cant load hexic for the nth time.

I was online, blogging abt how drifted away i was from some of my good friends.

Ok...3 examples should be enough and listing more will portray me as a complain queen.


Lets turn it around and see how it will be like if i've taken the next best alternative.

Yes, maybe i really didnt get to watch what i wanted to, but the other movie that i will be watching might be better than the one i wanted so much to watch. Yes,i cant watch that movie at that time with that friend... BUT, the next person that comes along might provide better accompaniment. Yes, i might not be in time to watch the movies i wanted to in cinemas, but its always more comfy at home. SEE?

Yes, it is irritating to not getting hexic when the addiction is there, but i can always try another game. Yes, i can play hexic alone regardless of whether i have a company, but its also good to have someone to compete solitaire showdown. SEE?

Yes, i might be drifted further away from a particular someone, but we are still friends afterall. Yes, i might not be contacting the particular good friend already, but i'll always live in their memories. Yes, i might have lose the comfy when i am with that person, but i'll always have another ship docking by. SEE?


Just settle on the next best alternative lah!
Or rather,

Just look around you to find many beautiful things that you might not have realise in the past.


Heh... so each time when i say :"its ok, nvm" , i will be expecting the next alternative.

Best-est Friend

I used to think that i am rather fortunate becos i do have come 'fixed' goodie friends around me. Nobody ranks their friends, neither do I. However, esp so after watching Grey's Anatomy, i realised that it is really a total different feeling of having a best-est friend. Someone whom u share everything of you. Happy or sad, the bestest is the first to know. Having a best-est is really different from having a partner, seriously.

I do have friends who have ALOT of good friends surrounding them and they always have problem of being fair and equal to everyone. Come to think about it, is it really that important to be fair and equal to everyone in your life? Come on, humans are selfish and we know that. So, the consequence of giving every good friend a fair share of you, chances are, you will never get close to anyone. I think the aboved sentence can be justified. Who knows, one day you might just lose the feeling of being with that particular friend of yours becos that friend of yours has found someone closer.

I guess thats the reason y, i feel so drifted away from some of them. Not that we are uneasy, just that we are not as comfortable as before.

So, best-est friend, are you around?

Reflection

Few days ago, Ling was on msn casually asking Jin what she was doing. Jin said:"reflecting". Ling was rather curious perhaps, thus she prompted further: "about?"

Jin has a habit of reflecting, esp when she has lots of free time to kill. Thus, that day while Jin was staring into space, listening to the songs that was playing on the playlist... she started to reflect. More particularly so, because she is going to hit the 2nd cycle mark real soon.

She pondered and asked herself repeatedly. "What have I achieved in life that is comparable to someone of my age." Jin knows herself well. She knew that she wasnt a very ambitious person. However, she had always feel that there is a teenager living under her skin. Positive way of putting it, we can say that she is being youthful. To see it in another point of view, she's just someone who will never grow up. Jin was curious then, to know how her friends see her. Thus,she asked those people who happened to be online, to give her 5 adjectives that could describe her. I guess only CLOSE friends dared to give negative comments so the 'survery' wasnt accurate at all. Anyway, Jin trusted Ling since both of them has been friends for 10 years.

Ling listed down these:
1)Rational
2)Unpredictable
3)Entertaining
4) Tao Qi
5)Family oriented

The word tao qi is kind of confusing cos till now i still do not really understand the actual meaning of it. Anyway i simply linked it to child-likeness. Perhaps elements of "childlikeness" should not exist anymore ! I shall make more effort to hide it. As for "entertaining", it came as a shock to me. I never knew i was entertaining. I thought i was probably a boring person.

These few days i get to chat with alot of no-time-no-see friends which made me see deeper. First, i chatted with Joanne, a uni friend of mine. She just couldnt believe my occupation as the impression that i've given her was, i'm a crazy,funny and loud person. Come to think about it, i'm q. ashamed tho, for being so loud in the past. Well, i've told her that i've toned down alot.

Besides Joanne , i've heard many people saying the same thing that, i used to be a "jumpy" person. I told my kor about it. He got a nice reply for me. If next time round pple still say the same thing, just reply that :"i've gotten heavier and heavier, therefore i cant be so jumpy anymore". I thought that was a good reply.

No matter how much i've toned down now, i still feel q. strongly for that teenager that is within me. Ling said that having that in me, could be good too. Ling is no doubt the social worker. Before i end my entry, i gonna list down the things that i've achieved withing these 24 years. (w the reminder frm Ling )

1) I have a stable income and going for training soon.
2) I have good relationship with my family.
3) I do see my standing at least 3-5 years down the road.
4) I have been thru the darkest period and has survived being a changed but better person.
5) I am contented.




So those are actually my achievements. Tho not very big, but afterall, i'm just an ordinary person. .. So normally after reflection , there are bound to have AFIs. My AFIs are...



1)To be more serious in things that i am doing. Give in my best.
2) Be more predictable. Say what I think and do whatever i deem fit.
3) Try not to be child like anymore and be independent.
4) Do not think too much/deep into things that complicates everything altogether.
5) Recognise what i am good at and admit what i am not good at so as to improve.



I may not be as successful as some of the pple of my age, but at least i did not stop moving.

This is driving her ...

. . . MAD.

Course packing 1 ICT lesson is not difficult. The looking for appropriate resources is. Spent whole day doing this and it is still not done yet. Tml's movie going is cancelled, which was pretty much expected so not much of an impact. Friends are not obliged to squeeze time out for a movie which doesnt interest oneself. Anyway .... JUST THAT ... It always happen without fail that i normally do not get to watch those movies which i desire to watch. Hmmmmm...

Nvm ...I shall spend precious time in doing my ICT planning.

Shall clear up my work and enjoy my Sat with all the GIRLIES ! It has been a long time whereby the mixed group pple gets together...

*Sorta 'invited' 2 VIPs. High possiblity of low turn up....Truly busy people deserves our understanding.

Anyway...let ur hair down and ENJOY !

Wireless @ Sg

Fresh from the oven. Thanks to wireless @ sg, IT-Savvy Jin is able to blog as she slacks around in TCC. IT-Savvy Jin intends to complete/clear part of her her IT lesson ob by today. Looks like its not very possible, given that she is doing many other 'leisure' things rather than working on her coursepackaging. Jin knows that Aud will be @ the airport too but due to the different timings, they did not get to meet up... So IT- Savvy Jin is @ the airport with another person, who is also using his lappy to complete his work. BUT , he is more focus-ed.


Alrighty, will try to do some research and clear up some of the stuffs. It's afterall, MID-WEEK already !

IT-Savvy Jin back to work.

Back to Nature

These photos were taken in December. Due to the packed December Holidays that playful Jin had, she only managed to sort out the photos to be put up today. However, there wont be much of a narration. Playful Jin is only good at playing.

On 6th December, playful Jin tog with Aud went round Kranji farms via the Kranji Express.


Barnyard ! Okays first stop, to disturb the goats. Hay's goat farm.

Nice ice milo prepared by Aud. Without fail, she will always prepare all these for excursions.

See? We booked the mini bus.
Doraemon?! What is this fella doing down here when da xiong is not ard? Its a mini fan. As usual, at the courtesy of Aud.

Nx, off to see my goodie friends, the fishes.

Colourful Kois.

Even the roads are so attractive. I like the rural feeling...

Walk oppo, we'll get to the veg farm. Get to see lots of vegs, but of course, i did not post all up. Tot it miight be boring for my blogders.

Heh, fungus.

It is bigger than my head. For once i feel that i have a small head. :P

Chilli....actually i did see some brinjals but since brinjals are enemies of Aud, i decided not to post them up.

LAst stop.
Decision making, which way to go ?

Is that thing call Iguana?

Our lunch.
It started raining heavily while we are having our lunch. But! nevertheless, it added on to the nice feeling.

Tai-tai life. How i wish i can play and play and play, without having to work.

We were lucky. It stopped raining when we were about to leave the place. Waiting @ the bus stop, infested by ants. Well, i think they are seeking shelter from the rain too ? LOL.

=)

I enjoyed all the small tours ard Sg. Maybe we can explore more places during the June hols. Anyone interested?